happy easter!

image by hillsong united found here 

happy easter! today i'm choosing to remember what Jesus did on the cross so many years ago. it really is the most important part. not only did He die for us, but He conquered death and rose again! He did what He said He would do. He wasn't a liar. He was and is our Savior. i'm very thankful for this and i'm praying this morning that since more people will be going to churches today that they would hear the gospel message and respond to it and want a personal relationship with God. and i'm praying that you all have a sweet day with family and friends! i'll be eating so many delicious foods at my aunts house with my family. i can already feel the food coma coming on (as well as like five pounds i'm going to gain from eating so much). it's so worth it though.

regenerate retreat

my sister and i have been going to a new church now for the past six months and it has been wonderful. natalie and i grew up with the pastor's wife (our families are like families) and it has been awesome to see how God is using her and brenen. back in january, we went on their college retreat up in lake arrowhead and had such a rad time. we even made friends (i'm still so proud of us!). we didn't spend a whole lot of time outside, but the weekend rocked. i hadn't been on a retreat in a while and it was nice to get away and just hang out with some good friends and spend some time with God. and the worship was phenomenal. i loved it!

 it was so great getting to hang out with people i grew up with! the photo above is of a group of us who grew up together and who's parents are still very close. it's so cool seeing us all grown up and those of us who have a relationship with the Lord. we are blessed! i can't wait to go on another retreat and to get to hang out with these long-time friends again (hopefully that happens before next year!). God is awesome!

submission.

via

happy new year! i am so happy it is 2013. 2012 was not a fun year for me. don't get me wrong, there were some very fun times with friends and i did get to go back to Hungary (my favorite place!), but more than anything it was an extremely trying year. i'm not sure how much i shared on here on how my trip to romania actually went, but it left me feeling very bitter and angry. and that bitterness and resentment rolled over into my walk with God. and there is no excuse to blame God or be disappointed in Him for what people do. but i let it go there. so as i was driving home the other day and reflecting back on 2012, i was so disappointed in myself. 2012 was all about me, and not about God. it was about what i wanted to do, not what God wanted me to do. and as i kept driving and had the radio on, a message on kwave mentioned the word "submission". and i knew it was my word. and that's scary, coming from someone who struggles with allowing God to rule over my whole life. it's going to be a challenge, but my main goal or resolution for 2013 is to daily submit to God. i don't want to waste anymore time being consumed with myself and not with God. i know i'll fail at this, because hello i'm a sinner (the worst) and there will be those times where i don't want to submit. but i'm praying that my heart will be changed and i'll allow God to go there and to really have His will be done in my life. i'm glad that once the new year rolls around it feels like it's a fresh start. and 2013 really will be a year of starts for me. i'll be done with college in march, starting my career in july, and hopefully moving out on my own for the first time in the fall. i'm pretty sure this new year will be a lot better than 2012, and i am excited to see what God has in store.

Trust.

"This is how idolatry grows in our hearts. We want things and we aren’t sure God will give them to us, so we put our trust in other gods. This is the problem of the human heart —misplaced trust. We value, love, and trust something in creation more than the Creator, and since there is nothing in creation that is intended to bear the weight of our trust, we are bound to live in fear. All other loves must be subordinate to your love for Christ."
-Edward T. Welch

This quote was on the wonderfully made blog this morning, and it really struck a chord with me. I struggle with this a lot. Not knowing what God will do in a situation i'll try to put things in my own hands. Which, as you probably guessed, doesn't turn out the best. It comes out messy and complicated. And not necessarily how God wanted it to be. This quote is absolutely true about living in fear. When we put our trust in ourselves or in anything other than God we will live in fear of the "what ifs" or the "will it happen?". It's just so hard to fight against my flesh and my will. But He's good to me, and is always there at the end of the day or when I finally allow Him to have control. And even when I continue to struggle with this balancing act for months or years on end, He is still so patient and so kind. Never making me feel stupid or like a failure. He knows the desires of my heart and He can work out all things. But I just have to remember to let Him be God and for me to be me. His imperfect daughter who tries to put her trust and her wants in other people and things.

Psalm 138:8

Psalm 138:8: "The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands."

Just thought I'd share this verse on here. That way I can remember it later :). I love this promise. The Lord will accomplish or perfect or complete that which concerns me. It's good to be reminded that God knows what concerns me and exactly what is going on in my heart. And He promises that He'll handle it and take care of it. Who knows in what ways He'll do that, but He'll work everything out. I know I'm being really vague here but I'll probably just share later what it is exactly that's concerning me.
Okay, time for me to enjoy my last morning here in Oahu. I can't believe the summer is almost over and school will be starting soon! Crazy! But at least this means that fall is coming and hopefully that means it will rain. Boy do I LOVE the rain :)

why blog?

nothing to do with the post. just a pretty photo of san clamente.

i've been thinking a lot about blogging and why i love it so much (even though, i don't post on here often enough). i absolutely love reading blogs and seeing little snippets of people's lives and i love reading other believer's blogs. it's always such an absolute encouragement getting to read what other women are learning from God and how He is working in their lives. it's just a cool glimpse to be able to read about God working in other people's everyday, even if i don't know them personally. which is why i want my blog to be a place of encouragement. i want it to be a place where i can be raw and real, but most importantly i want it to be a place where i am giving glory and credit to God. it's easy to get caught up in the blogging world. it's easy to get caught up in the mindset of, "well, what do people want to read?" or better yet, "what do people want to see? outfit photos? food photos? DIY photos?". and that's not what this life is about. God doesn't have me here just so i can post pictures of what i wear everyday. or what i ate for lunch. none of that really matters. none of that is what makes me me. i'm not trying to bash blogs that are like that (because i love reading them! really!). so this doesn't mean that i won't post pictures of what i did over the weekend or what i've been up to lately. i guess i'm just trying to figure out what God wants done with this blog. because i am accountable for myself and for my actions. i want to give Him full reign over every area of my life, including this space on the internet. even if no one ever really reads this, it doesn't matter. because God knows what i put on here. God knows what i share on here. i just want to live my life fully for Him and allow Him to be in charge. because honestly, it's much better when He's in control.

hi.

i'm still trying to process everything that happened in romania. it was not what i expected, but i'm not entirely sure what i did expect going into this trip. it was interesting and hard and a time for real growth. but, i'm happy to be home. and i'm happy to see what God has planned for the weeks to come (and even the months to come. can you say graduation next year? ahh!). He's probably got some cool plans for me, not going to lie.

strong-willed.

roland and i are actually play fighting in this photo :)

strong-willed. the term isn't necessarily bad. or negative. but, it's always hard when one of the first things someone identifies about you is that you have a very strong will and a very strong personality. i've been finding this term (or others like it) being used to describe me more and more often lately. and i'm not quite sure what to make of it.
if i'm being honest, i feel attacked and misunderstood. i feel like my thoughts of not wanting to be "fake" or putting on a front, are being disregarded or looked down on. and i feel very discouraged. as a christian woman, i struggle with this part of my personality almost daily. i struggle with the thought that, even though i may feel that this characteristic is uniquely a part of me, it might not be okay or right with God to be that way. or let me put it better, me wanting to not be "fake" and wanting to be real all the time sometimes does not bring God glory because of the actions that those qualities insinuate. 
something tells me that me feeling discouraged and incorrectly perceived is not right. something tells me that God is using these other people to try to break me down. something tells me that God wants to finally put to an end my flesh. 
of course with any comment like this, i have to take it to the Lord. because i can't take what everyone says to me as complete truth. that's where God's word comes in and His discernment and wisdom comes into play. however, since these qualities and traits have been identified in me from several different people, i'm thinking it's probably the truth (for the most part).
it's hard to admit that you need to change. it's hard to see that your own actions and way of doing things has hurt other people. it's hard to let a lot of people and God all point out one of your biggest flaws. it's just plain hard.
but here i am. i want to be able to admit that there is something that needs to change about me. the process is difficult and challenging, but God will be faithful to see me through it. just like He is always faithful to see me through any circumstance or situation. 
before my trip to romania, God put this verse on my heart: Luke 9:23: "Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me'". so am i surprised that God has answered my prayer to grow me? no. did i realize that Him answering my prayer would be this hard and kind of hurt this much? no, not at all.
if anything, i hope that this encourages you. because i'm glad that God brought this to my attention. i know that if i allow Him to change me and to mold me to be more like Him, then it will only be good for me. and really, that's what i wanted all along.

philippians 1:6: "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;"

blown away.

this week i have been absolutely blown away by God and how real He is in my life. on tuesday night, we had a worship night at the YWAM base. we've gone to a few of their worship sessions (which have all been great by the way!), but this one was completely different. i can't describe to you how beautiful it is to be in a room full of people who are so in love with Jesus Christ. who have their hands raised and are singing praises to Him. it has been such a long time since i had last felt God's presence so real and so close to me. honestly, i started crying as we were all praying and worshiping together. it really was the defining moment of the trip. the time where i could really say, "wow God. you really had me here for such a time as this. you really did want me on this trip". the night reminded me a lot of my last trip to Hungary. i am so in awe of the Lord. He has been doing such a good work here in the city of cluj. and i am blessed and honored to be a part of it. i can't tell you how awesome and humbling it is to be here in this city serving God for the summer. it's amazing, it's challenging, and it's showing me that i want to be a part of more things like this. who knows what God has in store for my life, but i'm praying and trying to be open to whatever that may be. for now, i know that i am so happy to be here in romania. i'm so happy i was at the worship night on tuesday. i am so happy that God loves me and uses me for His glory. i am so happy that He is so real and so near to me. really, He just blows me away. it's awesome.

psalm 9:1-2: "I will praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart;
I will tell of all Your marvelous works.
² I will be glad and rejoice in You;
I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."

another saturday & sunday.

here's what we were up to this past saturday and sunday:

we prayed over near billa and handed out a few church fliers...

we layed around on the hammock after helping make dinner at ywam...

we ate lot's of good food and chocolate cake...

we took a group photo after church to document becca wearing a really cute dress...

i took photos of my saltwater sandals, as usual...

i snapped even more photos of my friends (whitnee looks so cute here!)....

i took shadow photos on the walk over to the jejeran's house for our "real life" series...

and ryan taught a lesson on "love: is it for me?" (see john 3:16-17 and 1 john 4:18-19. it was my favorite lesson that ryan has led so far!)

i'd say it was a pretty relaxing two days.

a good day at ywam.

last friday, we spent the whole day at the ywam base. it was a gorgeous day and i loved spending time there. we got to watch some of the parent's children while the adults went to a conference, we got to make the entire ywam base plus our team lunch + dinner, and we got to rest and relax.

it was the nicest day. making lunch took almost two hours i think. and it was hard work. it was hot and the onions made me cry and it was perfect. perfect because i love serving others and getting a chance to do something for them. perfect because God gave me an opportunity to be more like him and to be more of a servant. it was one of those moments where i knew that i was exactly where i was supposed to be. exactly where God wanted me to be.

after dinner, we played lots of games with the ywam and hawaii teams (have you ever heard of the vegetable game or the animal game? they're hilarious!). i love sitting around the table and hearing everyone talk. it's a mix of so many different cultures! some people are from australia, others from america, others from spain, and others from romania. it's so wonderful thinking about and seeing how God brings all of us together. how we're all family even if we don't know each other very well. it's awesome just hanging out with people who love the Lord and want to serve Him and give Him everything. i left feeling so encouraged!

as if the night couldn't get any better, we decided to take a hike up a local hill in the neighborhood (even though it was starting to rain a little bit). we wanted to get a chance to look over the city and watch the thunder and lightning. it was cold. it was a super steep climb. and it was awesome!! one of the guys played some angus & julia stone on his ipod while we watched the sky light up. i had the best time. it was probably the best day i've had so far on the trip. and i'm looking forward to the next time we can take a hike up the hill and watch the stars again.

i'm sick in romania... danget

even though i haven't been feeling good for a few days now (why do i have a head cold? or how did i get sick? it's so hot and humid here!), yesterday was wonderful. we didn't do much and the day included a hot and sweaty nap, but it was perfect. we spent a long time in the morning talking to coleen and jeje. we talked about the trip, why we felt called to stay in romania for 7 weeks, and what we feel like God might be calling us to over the next year. at night we went out to the local grocery store and handed out fliers and talked to whoever would stop and listen. a man who was a jehovah's witness came to know the Lord. it was a sweet time of just stepping back and watching God work. later that night, just the six of us went out. it was our first time being alone in the city- without any translators or coleen and jeje. on our way to dinner, i saw a woman i had talked to two weeks prior. i had shared my testimony with her and had prayed with her. after kisses and hugs, we continued on to dinner. i am so happy that God let me see her again- even if she only speaks romanian. my uneasiness and stress about staying in romania feels like it has finally gone away. in its place is now a peace. God is definitely faithful and patient with me.
today, i'm feeling really sick. it's gotten worse since a few days ago. i've been lying down all day, just trying to rest. if you could pray that i get better quickly, i would really appreciate it. tomorrow will be a busy day i'm sure, as most sundays here are. so i want to be back to my normal self and able to hang out around all the others. i'm looking forward to seeing who, if anyone, comes out to church tomorrow! and it's ryan's first day of teaching. he'll do great.
i'll leave you with a few photos from the past few weeks. enjoy!

be strong and courageous

so my trip to romania is quickly approaching (it's a little less than 6 weeks away!). and i cannot believe it is already here and soon i'll be there. i don't remember if i talked about any of my fears concerning the trip on here, but i have been freaking out a little about the thought of staying in romania for 7 weeks. it was getting to a point where i would have little mini panic attacks when i thought or prayed about the trip. my fears were always about me. i would tell God that i was scared of being there for 7 weeks. scared i would freak out and want to come home. scared i wouldn't get along well with the other team members. scared that i would go crazy being around my friends for so long with no breaks. scared i wouldn't have any time for myself. scared that i was only going to romania because i wanted to go and that the Lord hadn't really called me there. these fears were taking over any of my thoughts towards the trip and i started to have a negative outlook on the whole thing. and then God told me to stop (in a kind and loving way of course :). He reminded me that He was going to use me and that all my fears and concerns were selfish. they were all about me and my comfort. and i am so glad that He reminded me that this trip was not in any way about me. it's all about Him and what He wants to accomplish there through myself and the team.

last saturday, we had a breakfast for all the girls going on the trip. and one of the girls made everyone cards and each person got a specific verse. mine was so perfect. i know God put it on her heart to give to me. God is so sweet like that! my verse was,

Deuteronomy 31:6: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."

*

it was amazing reading this verse on my card! i wanted to cry! i'm so happy to know that God knows all about my fears and that He promises that He will be with me and take care of me. i just love Him :)

*image found here

happy easter!

on the way to grandma and grandpas!

happy late easter! nat and i had a lot of fun hanging out with our family at our grandparent's house. and we definitely looked really cute that day (i stole natalie's dress again :) muahaha ). i hadn't been to sunday morning service in forever, but i finally got to go that morning! it was awesome being with my family and praising God for His Son. dude, it's so sweet that my family is saved. and that they all love jesus. it makes me happy. i really am super blessed to have such a close family. and i'm even more blessed that they all love the Lord. thank you God! :) 

nat, casey, and sandy. cute babies!

natakie!

 

my sister and grandpa

mom, me, nat, and grandma

our cousin brianna is going to be a model one day, i decided.

proof: sandy really is an alien. WHO SITS ON A TABLE LIKE THIS?!?

bahaha natalie!

pastor bob said this and i really liked it: "the fact that Jesus is risen means Jesus is ruling!" woohoo!

JESUS IS RISEN

ps. the only thing that would have made easter even better is if peeta hutcherson had made a guest appearance.